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'Twas the night before the budget

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Twas the night before the Budget

When all through the House.

The National Back Benches were keen for a stoush

The promises were hung during the election with care

Of course they would fill them

How could they not

They wouldn’t dare.

September 14 was a different time

The Back Benchers quite happy, some in their prime.

Nestled all snug in their leather armchairs

John, Bill and Steven washed away all their fears

There had been promises of surpluses, of poverty relieved

Of great fiscal wonders, or so they believed.

“They’ve got us this far, the Back Benchers said”

“What could possibly go wrong?”

“We’re so far ahead!”

But Bill English knew, he just hid his fear

That all their good words were just plain hot air

It was great that Mike Hosking and Paul Henry were glowing

But nothing could mask an economy slowing.

“We have to do something, we have to be quick”

Said John Key to his Cabinet that had run out of tricks.

“Now Bennett, now Adams, Now Bridges and Tolley

Forget Steven Joyce and his conventional folly.

Where’s woodhouse, McCully, Crosbey and Textor

If there’s one thing clear – you all have to do better.

I need plans to help Auckland, to slow housing prices

To help feed the kids, and fix other vices.

Where is the plan for trains, trucks and bikes.

My Facebook page tanking, I can’t get no likes.”

“And I’m sick of seeing Andy, the new man about town

He never gets angry, we can’t bring him down”.

Bill English stepped forwarded in canonical mood;

“Just stop there John, I don’t mean to be rude

You may not have noticed, but we have a crisis

And it’s nothing to do with our troops fighting ISIS

Exports are diving, dairy is down

There isn’t much happening in any small town

I know I have said the problem’s inflation.

But there’s something much bigger – John Bank’s compensation.

You said don’t touch taxes, levies and fees

But how will we pay for this – it don’t grow on trees.”

And then the talk came to a stop with a shudder

The Prime Minister knew –his heart now aflutter

Up from the back came a great throaty roar

Judith Collins appeared on Parliament’s floor.

“I’ve heard all of your talk, me and Todd Muller

All you’re known as now is ponytail puller”

“Out of the way – shove this in your gob

I’m here to take over, it’s my turn in your job.”

Anzac Day

Andrew Little on April 25, 2015

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